EMOTIONAL RECIPROCITY
For some of us, learning to be reciprocal, either not taking too much from our friends and family, or not giving too much to our friends and family, takes awareness. If you were raised to only take, by parents who doted on you, or needed your approval, or who just did not realize the need to teach you reciprocity, then you are at a disadvantage. AND, conversely, if you were raised to only give, by parents, who expected you to take care of their emotional needs, and those of the rest of your family, you are also at a disadvantage. Either way, giving too much or taking too much, sets the stage for relationships involving resentment rather than love. Nobody wants to feel exploited by a narcissistic friend, or nobody wants to feel guilty being taken care of by a martyr. So if you are finding yourself either without friends, or the wrong friends, lonely, or just frustrated by too many demands socially, consider the possibility that you never learned about reciprocity. RECIPROCITY means you give as well as take, and you keep things balanced. Like the puzzle pieces in the photo here, it does NOT mean everything has to be identical. No two people (or puzzle pieces for that matter) are alike. But it means you do your best to notice the person in front of you, and to appreciate the fact that you are not alone, you are part of a relationship couple. There are romantic couples, and friend couples. There are sibling couples. There are older younger generation couples. The important thing to remember is that if you were raised by parents who fought a lot, you might not be familiar with what reciprocity looks like. It looks like respect. It looks like reality, where nobody is superior to another, but both are equal for the most part. if you grew up with fighting, violence, abuse, you might want to look for a therapist who specializes in attachment dynamics, who can help you learn how to be more secure in your attachments, and hopefully, over time, more reciprocal. Authoritarian families create subordinates who only take or give at the behest of the parents in charge. Democratic families include everybody, and protect the family from huge imbalances. All these dynamics play a part in how much you might have learned about reciprocity growing up. Reciprocity can be learned. It is never too late. And it makes life so much sweeter. So try.
Reciprocitycontributes to the development and maintenance of lasting, committedrelationships.
· Improved well-being:
Reciprocal interactions can positively impact mental and emotional well-being, reducing feelings of isolation andloneliness.
How to practice relational reciprocity:
· Communicate openly andhonestly: Shareyour needs and expectations with your whoever you are with, if only silently. Ask yourself what you might want to get out of the conversation and once you know, you might communicate that to the person you are talking with, or not, depending.
· Practice activelistening: Payattention to your partner's feelings and needs. Repeat what you hear them saying. It might sound artificial to you, but research shows that people really like to think someone heard them, even if to you it feels artificial and like you are parroting them.
· Offer support andencouragement: Be there for your partner in times of need. Tell the person you appreciate them. Find something you admire aobut them and tell them. Be generous. It's a lonely world. Your compliment, your encouraging word, might be the only support they had that week!
· Be willing to receivesupport: Allowyourself to be vulnerable and accept support from your partner. Don't be only a giver, take too. Let someone know you need them. Thank them for helping you. Don't be a do it yourself-er all the time. Be generous enough to let others know you need them.
·
