SNOWGLOBE ANXIETY
Sometimes the world becomes too much, and we want to shut it all off. Outside we still look fine, maybe better than fine, as a way to compensate for feeling less than fine inside. We perform well, the show we put on is impressive, but inside we are either numb, scared or angry. People are drawn to us, they want to be with us, but on some level we are trapped inside our own hype. We have been taught to look good, to perform a role at our jobs, and maybe even with our friends, or our family. We play the 'fun one', or the 'smart one' or the 'sensitive one.' and we do it well. People like us, and appreciate the role we play; they come to expect it and count on us, to laugh, to solve problems, or to care. . But we were never taught how to really relate honestly, to our painful memories, to the outside world, to exist on a genuine emotional level, a deeply satisfying level. Our parents too might have felt trapped, through no fault of their own, and we learned from them to look better than we feel. Like a snowglobe, we have a glass wall between us and the outside world. We look real, we look better than real, but on another level, we can't get out of our own way.
Going to speak with a therapist, a good one who pays close attention and lets us know we are not alone, can feel like our snowglobe is being shaken, or even turned upside down. It can be intimidating, disorienting, or like our whole world is falling apart. That's why a kind therapist, a warm and supportive therapist, is critical. At the same time, a therapist who can gently shake up our snow globe view of the world, softly, curiously, and with respect, is better than a therapist who only encourages us to keep performing and looking good, and to shut off our anxiety. Anxiety can be a signpost on the way to discovering even deeper and more satisfying feelings. It's a sign we are alive and paying attention. Learn to meditate, to breathe deeply and exercise, healthy ways to feel more even. But don't go to therapy to dull yourself down. Don't take meds to dull yourself down either, If you are on meds, see them as temporary as you develop the courage and confidence to eventually escape the snowblobe' 'safe' attractive looking kind of life for a more complex and challenging one. Build a life without glass walls around you. Reach out and touch someone. Don't settle for less than a kind curious and brave therapist who will encourage you to take emotional risks, and to remember your dreams, and discover that childlike curiousity and joy you once had, and reclaim it again, and again and again.
